A fine gift

Did commemorate the shortest day with our annual outing together to the market.   Amos surpassed hisself in magnamaniousness above all this year.  What did he do but turn round and get me a bran new mop!  I be so excited I can scarcely stand beside mysell...

Shame we dinna have no floor to use it on..

A Meagre Festivity

Twas the seasonal fest at the workhouse today. The cuts be so bad now we get nothing but a potato each. We huddled about thinking of the good ole days when all was merry and bright and we did even get a bottle of wine each to take back. Nowadays we don't get so much as a thank you for working to the bone all year.

Then when I get back to the shack I find a mountain of bark chippings in the yard, so things might be looking up for a change...

December in the bones

Some persons unknown have thrown away all the carrots I be saving for the Yuletide feast, I canna undestand the reason why, they were just getting to that bendiness when they be well matured.

And we killed and ate the king pumpkin last week and the taters are green in the ground. Looks like acorns again for Christmas dinner.

And so it does

Still not been able to tape the door up and the draughts are creeping round my lumbago something rotten. Got hold of a sweep at last turned out to be a right ornery boggart.

Amos had to run all the way in front of he from the highway like Elijah afore Ahab so he didn't lose hisself in the woods. Been sweeping since 1950 and still scarrit of a few old trees. Still Effie says the rustling in her ceiling ceased now so maybe the nasty things have crept out, still I won't be at peace now till we have a proper woodshed to hide them in once more.

No News

Be getting sorely worried now, still the woodshed be unbuilt. I fear the nastiness will be roaming about the place now seeking a new cranny to hide in. Amos already slit his hand on a nail under the kitchen cupboard.

Twill be time to tape the door up soon and then the nastiness could be trapped inside till Ash Wednesday.

The Chill in the Blood

I be right naggled now. Amos only been and gone and opened the window. Surely he does know that opening the window after All Saints been and gone means we be in for a chilling shivering winter full of shivering and sneezing. The draughts will be howling and mithering round our chamber now till Palm Sunday now as canna shut the window till the rain be stopped entirely for 40 days and 40 nights.

Maybe bricking up be the only answer I can arrive at.

Allsaints Eve

Well was the time of year agen for me to pay me reglar call on the neighbours, not the next neighbours but the ones on t'oither side. And they only done save the bottle o ginger wine I give to them only the last year's visit. So I had another few sips for the ones that have gone and a few more for those yet to appear. Tis so good of them to save me the wine and resist the temptingness of the brew thesselves.

Something nasty in the woodhenge

Well we just be back from another long roundabout journey. Took the short cut round the top of Salisbury plain. Thought I seen a great bustard but it were only a seagull.

Then we passed sign saying woodhenge. Be cheaper than going to stonehenge I said 'Let us go and treat ourselves to a look round before winter sets in and we have to keep oursells indoors' And who knows, there may be an odd henge of wood just laying there unwanted that we could borrer for the burner or even take back to replace the dear departed woodshed.

But twas a lying sign cos when we did arrive was no woodhenge at all, twas all made of concrete posts like some primeval pinball set up. I was so cross, I could barely contain mysell. Woodhenge indeed! Concretehenge more like.

I blame the National Trust, lying so and so's one and all.

Since Records began

I did hear today tis been the coldest summer for a score of years. If we could only get the hottest winter for a score of years then we could sleep sounder in our beds. Still lacking the woodshed, what empty promises some folk do make.

The dead blackbird be gone leastways.

Summer is a goin out

Nearly thought I would of drownded in all the flash storm floodings last week, I never known anything like it. Tis only today we be feeling dry enough to emerrrge.

So we took off on a bit of a jaunt to Anglebury afore winter starts crawling up the hill. We were walking down the street when a stranger do come up to us and says 'Where be the main street?' Well, quick as a flash, Amos turns round and says 'Why here, this be the main street we on now.' Like there be more than one streed in Anglebury. n

At Last

Well I be pinching mysell to make sure I be awake. They do say that they will be restoring the woodshed to us soon and taking down the ole wicked ash tree that did undermine with its nasty creeping roots.

But I be worritted as I canna help but wonder and wonder will the nastiness return once it has an abode again.

A Day of Sadness and Mourning

Well I be up at starbridge today when I got the message from our nearly neighbour young Miss Stephanie. Her cavey has shuffled off the mortal coil and is no more. She done ask if she can come over and bury the poor sad carcasse in our garden as her own is not big enough for the guinea pig remains.

Of course I canna refuse such a sad requirement. But I do worry that the badgers might .. Oh I darn't think of what they badger folk might do.

A Lengthy Trek

Well tis so long since I get the time to write being as Amos and Effie and me just been on a trek all the way to the fenlands and we only just staggered back this night. But I never been so amazed in all my born days as when I did spot the sign to Husborne Crawley. See I never did think that it was so real a place as to have a signpost. I thought to myself that it was another made up never there place like antatlas or nervanna, or sandbourne.

Whither Goosey Gander?

Well the geese have gone an got me all in a right ole tizz. The young goose been foolishly sitting on a whole heap of eggs since April Fools. Too many to hatch we thinks and then today I goes down to the pen and thereby a gosling running about like a right little mommet. Then the old goose takes against the gosling even though it could be their gosling that the young goose hatched on her behalf.

So we have to get the old goose and the gander into the shed where the guineapigs used to live and that be a right palaver, I can tell you, not even the umbrella did the trick.

Amos is unusually cheery, I sense trouble brewing.

Back to the old ways

So Amos done put up a new-fangled gazebo out the back, and where does he put it? Right up against the washing line, that's where.

So I have to go back to the pre-technical days and put all me washing out over the bushes to dry. Does work just as well, except the cats been sitting on our towel for two days and nights and I haven't found the heart to move it off. Still we'll get dry afore midsummer, I do believe.

Gander got me best leg the other day cause I didn't mind to go after him with the brolly for once, so he took advantage.

April

Place be covered in bluebells, the badgers have been undermining the bottom field. The gander took a dislike to Amos today and went for him, I woulda laughed if I'd been of the frivolous nature, to see the old gander grappling with his trousis. The bee man says the queens have gone out of sight but not to mind if they do swarm around.

Unsealed

Windows unsealed now, came home last week to discover the front door had been opened wide. The geese are in a right muddle through and through.

A Decision

Well tis time to think again about unsealing the window. But be afeard that the whole pane will crumble if we do peel off the elastoplast.

Better to sit be the fireplace and relish some fine old cookering.

'Dressmaker Tripe'

Take a piece of prepared tripe large enough to fold over. Make a stuffing of onions (boil these first) breadcrumbs, salt and herbage.
Spread thick layer of this on half the tripe, fold the other piece onto it and sew the edges together. Bake for one hour. Serve with gravy. Or trim with rabbits fur and wear till spring.

What Century?

That inspector does keep on leaving messages saying the gas needs to be inspected for safety.
Gas? What gas? What century does she think we live in?

Late Valentines

The pond be heaving with frogs up to no good. Never seen so many going at it in all my born days. What can it mean?

Sensing a change in the weather so thinking about unsealing the window.

Day Off

Did see a few flutterts of snowflakes this morning so have been heaving the logs about to get them under the tarpaulin afore the next blizzard strikes.

Oh how much I miss the old woodshed. If only twas restored to us I would never say nothing nasty about her again ever at all.

Another Year Bites the Dust

Tis the start of another year, what miseries lie ahead for us all, I wonder. The snow has thawed leaving the fire wood so sodden it could sink a battleship. The partridge has not returned since the thaw.